Upset

I am personally upset about all the cursing I did ruining things for me, but I've explained why.  Basically, I think it is the right thing to do just to prove to people that anyone can communicate, not just bad guys.  I was careful not to directly curse anyone, in some ways was upset at my dad bothering me but didn't take it out on someone else.  I am sad people believe they need to get into my life all of a sudden and be mean to me, whoever does this.

So, what, just be sorry I was so stupid and supposedly mean?  I have suffered a lot from others.  Even my dad does not seem to know me in the right way.  I am not gonna be tacky and say I accept this, and I must say it is not a nice thing to do to someone.  My life seems always halted and tired with the unnecessary meds.  I have to adjust to what's slammed into my face by the likes of people like my dad, who I care about, too.  I don't wanna be treated like I'm okay, but I cannot forgive people for manipulating me and interfering me.  People make mistakes, and I explained mine which was not really intentional.  It's too bad.  I have adamantly supported not torturing people in prison and finding out what's wrong with them because it is crazy to commit a crime more than being paranoid.  I know it sets an example for others.  Another thing I wonder is if not on a place online to get out your thoughts available sorta to the world, then how else?  I had to relearn what I grew up seeing other people encouraging.  I find if I am good, I do not get what I want still.  Even when I didn't have grudges on me sorta.  What I have to relearn is that it's not for me about saying whatever I feel to a close friend/person, but I have to always be on guard.  See?  That's something people are told to do.  There's no answer.  I'm not the baby of the world, like people born in 1997-1998.  They would accept a mistake as small as "what" I've done overall from them.  I didn't harass anyone.  I didn't start the fights.

I am told that I can't figure out what was wrong.  I do not want to live in the bad ways of things my dad does.  Why is it all about who my dad is and not my mom in any good way??  They think it's blocked out as wrong already cuza how my dad thinks.  Well, I am not gonna be the sacrificial lamb to get close to these ridiculous things.

So, these things do happen.  I don't mean to rub in my innocence.  I don't want someone else to have this happen to them, to be mocked in front of "important people" and the world.  Can we talk about this?  Or just go and watch others fall?

It's okay if you don't like me, but I'm not bad.

You might think I did bad things, but I grew up as a very good person 99.9%.  Why be so mean to me?  That is the only time you can get mad at someone, too, I learned growing up.  So, I have to unlearn this, since you all made new rules I could not seem to register in my brain.  I don't believe in Jesus, if that's what you're wondering.  I believe he was a crazy man.  Everyone today knows what Jesus said more than ever.  To be nice and forgive.  I can certainly see you all don't believe in Jesus, as well.  You all don't even care if I d**, supposedly, but who knows, could happen.

So, yes, I am sorry for my stupidity but do not submit to you, you were mean to me, someone was.  I don't submit to people.  Is that cuza being Chinese?  Why harass and be suggestive to my mom, too?  I see my dad thinking my mom did it if he doesn't like something I was trying to think in private, often.  I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like I am submitting to bad people in apologizing properly.

You do act like I harassed someone, when I think I was just mad and they supposedly did it and I didn't really do anything like that directly at them like you think.  I take it back.  I don't mean it.  You don't have to forgive me.  Fine!

You all have announced you're liars and drained of any emotion for the likes of people such as myself.  You used to act like the world was all that.  But when I chose to open up, this is what it is.  I never meant anything bad on purpose.  I am 99.9% so careful, but if I do one thing by accident, probably fainting from stress and that I should react to insult.. you just take away my life and go on and want me to think about this 1 thing on and on.  You never taught me nothing.  You silently monitored and manipulated me.  I was not provided with any emotion, so maybe I had none to judge with.  I was harassed and tested and competed with because of being part Chinese.  I don't wanna be mad about it, but it seems that's why I've gotten confused and done things without being able to think.  You are just looking for unnatural ways of getting me in trouble and harming me in some way, emotionally or what be it.  My dad should not be allowed to harm me in this.  It seems he's gonna do it anyway.  I probably would be taken away to an institute and later get out with a respectable life alone.  But of the noises planted around me, maybe the police would accompany me in my new abode.

So, I am sorry for all I've done.  I usually don't act directly mad, tho, so I don't like the inconvenience of people pretending I intend to be sarcastic.  I am independent, and I didn't know I had problems.  People always said how amazing I was until I grew up and racism came up even more.

I hope things are okay and you don't have to pay attention to me.  About the fact people do, may I suggest finding ways of meeting other people of different ages and walks of life??

I hope it is okay I said all this.  Trying to at least straighten things out as they are if I can now.  I know you like to go crazy all over and pester/test me.  Hope it works out?..

Ellen

I really liked the girl at the end who married as an exchange student her English teacher in Hungary.

The 1st boy was always on spot with how well he behaved.  It was amazing.  He wanted to get down to business and be good to the right people.

Ellen seemed okay.  Hope things are going well for her.

TV

Ellen

I need to get

Bella Thorne's book next time I get around to the mall with money.  By next week.  It looks advanced for smart people who grew up.  I don't know much about reading.

Plan

to get in physical shape rather than study music right now in college

seeing if adult gymnastics once a week opens up - 1 hour

I also go to Disney once a week.

I was gonna move into a college dorm.  I'm hoping to make it in the entertainment world, selling my book and singing for now, but the book is only 15 pages long.

I've been rubbing it in myself to myself.  :)

Apology

for times I thought rude things, didn't mean to or didn't know..

(music from Strange Magic)

This sounds a lot like Jersey Boys.

Apology

I was mad at someone for altering the world to hate me.. I think it's more than one person.  I still don't take that.

I just ruined another mill (meal.)

My dad was all grumpy about me in attitude he secretly claims not to have, and I couldn't bring myself to go steady around it.  :(

My Eating

I had a whole bowl of cooked okra last night.

You cannot punish a person with mind altering drugs.

Have you experienced

in the real world being shelved for posterity rather than going on?  Like, you're an example and young people look up to you, but it's about them and not you?  Imagine yourself put up in front of the world for kids to enjoy and it's about them in a way is never about you.  Imagine the music and setting and sense the sensation!

No Hard Feelings

on my parents or anything

Discrimination

People are telling me I'm not that good cuz my weight won't lessen.  I just noticed this fact.

Also, it is not peaceful in the foolishness of America or Orlando or Florida some.  I feel a constant turmoil.

My weight won't lesson cuza my meds, I think.  I try other ways.

I feel a constant turmoil in America over nothing, like people wanna leave now.

Most people can't seem to lose weight who aren't famous.  People are so lazy.  I didn't work out today cuz I wanna nap and I don't do abs/cardio 2 days in a row cuz it's new.  It's easy to see if someone is trying or not to lose weight.  Most people aren't happy with who they are.  Like their parents each.

I mean no offense, just noticing facts as I go and trying to make an appropriate post outta them.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

My premature or maybe ultimate solution is to listen and quietly wish away the days I leave the house hopefully for good, but that's only if I do, what's it called, "student work" in a college?  Sometimes, I think I am here to protect my parents from one another.  I can't do that, for good, tho.  Tho, I am already 28.  Good advice.

Lunchtime

Nite Again Soon

I got a book last night.

Dr. Phil's 20/20 Diet.