Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Source of the Present Problem

Okay, they said, "You're a n*****" pretty plainly.  Get this on Dr. Phil.  This is hysterical.

I don't need people to bug me about when I used to curse on my blog about the noises and ways things load on my computer put with me to annoy me.

I don't need to be inconvenienced cuz you know I wanted to go to the bathroom.  Can't you hold anything in?
I guess I'll go take a shower now.  How exciting.  Bye!

My Mom

She's big on if I sound like I'm criticizing all the time.  That's called being smart and figuring things out.  It's something you live on.  Most people do it.  I do it in something called a blog, tho.  It's a place to solve problems, not just hurt people.

I was mainly concerned..

..about things being so awkward and bad for those involved.  I had reflected on it awhile.

Maybe, I have more to worry about?  Not really.

Also, I'm worried what my parents will think of this.  I just don't need that kind of stress.

Being Negative

How can just 1 person in a group always be so intimidating?  Maybe, it's time to move on and accept new friends, but they just don't come along.

I got told..

..supposedly I can't juggle having a relationship with more than 1 person.

That instead of me being considered okay, someone else gets to feel they're okay, instead.  That's not true.  It can't happen "instead."  I never said not to talk to anyone else and in fact encourage you to figure out how elating that experience has been in my past.  Everyone is happy and gets what they deserve or can feel inner self worth.

I know it seems weird I brought it up, but I'm not the mum type and I wasn't fighting.  You just want to think I was fighting.  I can see my parents wanting to think that, for instance.  They would say I was and that I was in trouble in a "secret message."

Ignoring It

So many people have so many things against me right now.

What do you want then?

What is anyone trying to argue?

injun Dad

I don't think my white/indian dad .. I don't think my mom likes him for being like a Chinese.
I never think such things.

It is now or was

more reasonable than you think, but you chose to interpret it how you did.

So..

..judging me by "what I've already done" do you judge what's in my head or what comes out?

I love this!

2 New Videos of Me



Time for a Jog

Things That Make Me Smile That I Want

I'll try and be as realistic as possible.

1. I want to be attractive, which would happen if I got taller and slenderer again in my life.  I know ways to get there.  My reason is it makes me more holistic and have this ecological glow and magical presence.

2. I wanna find out who I wanna pick me up physically just to show love.  I dunno if I'd want that in someone my own age, even a boy, and they'd probably oughta be older for the challenge at understanding me.

I dunno, I can't list everything.  Some things I don't know.  Some things aren't really as important.

Grudges

I don't have a grudge on my parents alone, I know it's to mirror the challenges for practice in the world we live in.  Everyone thinks I'm not perfect yet on the outside claim I am.

Questions Asked by Dr. Phil

Questions Asked by Dr. Phil

1. Do you avoid potential problems by trying to keep the peace? Do you do whatever you can to avoid conflict?
No, but my parents do that on the outside.

2. Are you in denial about your loved one being addicted? Do you think his or her drug or alcohol use is just a phase and isn't anything to be concerned about?
No, I am just addicted to m***********.  I'm on psychiatric pills I don't need.

3. Do you minimize the situation? Do you think the problem will get better later?
Yes, I minimize the situation.  I only hope I can make the problem get better later.

4. Do you lecture, blame or criticize the chemically dependent person?
Yes, but they don't make fun of me.

5. Do you take over the responsibilities of the addicted person? Do you cover for and pick up his or her slack to minimize the negative consequences? Do you repeatedly come to the rescue — bailing him or her out of jail, out of financial problems or other tight spots?
My parents care for me cuz I'm on pills I have to take as long as I'm in their house and advised to by my present psychiatrist, who said to leave him if I stop.  Yes, my parents do the dishes whereas they did not wanna.  My mom does my towels it ends up often these days, too.  They constantly pay for me but like I don't deserve it from them.

6. Do you try to protect your addicted loved one from pain?
My parents don't seem to know how.

7. Do you treat him or her like a child? Do you enjoy taking care of your loved one and feel superior when you do? Do you still financially support him or her, even though he or she is an adult?
Yes, that happens to me.

8. Do you try to control the dependent person?
No, they just act uncomfortably around me, like specifically waltz around the house mockingly.

9. Are you good at just enduring? Do you often think, this too shall pass?
Yes.

10. Do you give him/her one more chance ... and then another ... and just one more?
I never did anything wrong.  If I did, it was an accident.  I don't repeat things.  So, I don't have a problem other than my heritage, which has come from my parents.

11. Do you join him/her in the dangerous behavior, even when you know he or she has a problem?
My parents do seem to do that, but I try to avoid it.  They would go crazy if I said they were mean and sending me secret messages.

Phil

He's very smart and deserves his TV show more than I would deserve 1 for the reason I said that he's smart and others I bet.

The guy visiting, like the business owner, made me feel bad because it seems it went around the network that I snapped at a professor here, just sorta stomped as I walked cuz I knew I wouldn't get in trouble because I thought they made an attractive teacher not like me, lotta folks.  Like forced her not to.  Now, they all have this thing against me like it's funny and important.

The visitors seemed really nice.  They had to be at least part Italian and not sure what else nor how much.  They were just so nice and genuine and unusually open.  I liked them.  I'd like to be friends and then call it a day.  I could live with them.

I don't know why Dr. Phil had the need to snap at someone, the boy.  He seemed apologetic after making his point.

In a Rut

I'm not recovering from life as a cheerleader.

I'm weak and faint, hoping my parents get together tonight for dinner to nourish me, before I fall asleep or settle down at like 7.