I dunno why I even posted about it.

Maybe, I thought other people were involved.  I didn't know they wouldn't like it.  Every time something little or on the side seems to happen, someone loses it with me.  We can't all be robots.  Something is bound to happen.  I knew I should post it just because it was causing me trouble and misunderstanding.  It's fine, but I don't know exactly what it is that happened.  I just know that my thoughts get triggered and slapped.

Issue

It seems someone is upset at me for thinking of a joke.  When I found it affected them, I stopped.  The people experimenting on me are partly bad.  I'm not saying anyone has to like me, tho, nor give me attention.  I think people my age should.  So, my point can't really be that I can be upset about it.  What does anyone think about it, or what should I think?  No one like me to begin with yet wouldn't let me have a nice life by myself?  I said no one had to pay attention to me, tho.  I do have some grudges about people, girls, my age not talking to me, tho..

Rude

Do you believe in being rude to select individuals for not being perfect?  What if you are not perfect, yourself?  Answer the 1st question, so nothing comes up.

Apology

If you're upset about me speaking uspetly in Spanish, I hope you will forgive me.  I didn't mean anything.  It was okay and came up.  I thought I dealt with it well, but maybe some people are sensitive to it.

Strawberry Smoothie

New Video of Me Talking

Smoothie King

It's the only thing that satisfies, but they didn't have Pina Colada.  There's no Smoothie King here.  I thought it was a booming franchise.  I also like Sandella's, which they had at my college, Loyola UNO.

Smoothies

I used to live on them, it seems.

Pathetic

I don't see why people are really at me all the time on the inside.

Oh no's

I am afraid I am being tricked they will make me so mad because I moved my drawers with the clothes still in them.

Dr. Phil

My therapist is a clinical psychologist, and she said she is much like him.  She and my dad reported they have not seen him in years.

I guess

if someone does not accept you can cause inner, unseen violent thoughts, not as in physically violent.  Some people are just outta control.  This issue needs to be addressed, but I didn't wanna say it.  They admitted they had a problem.  It was hate they would not subdue.  People keep strangely saying I'm not perfect and that it means I'm not as good as I was.  Isn't this because Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp got popular?  I did change my life in a good way, but there are too many bad ways.

My Life

I think my parents "played" with me as a baby and that's why people like me have that slick, "I don't care," nonchalant look.  I would look somewhat substantial and it would attract my dad to "play" with me.  They figure they can't protect me in the real world any other way.  If it's cuza race, I find that pathetic.

Will I just get by in life

taking walks?  I asked my mom about living on my own, no money, thee dead end.

More

before: a mostly leftover hamburger

ironed some dry clothes, which I would have waited, and did the dishes

cont.

Disclaimer: For the really sensitive, I don't know it would be good in all ways for an Asian to mix with an indian? but it could be true.

Lo

I'm tired from all the meds.  The psych meds made me get diabetes and also have high cholesterol from being 1/2 Chinese and I don't like being 1/2 Chinese.  Yes, there might be some things like the fact I don't have it as hard as a 1/2 black person, but I have Native American indian, too! which also is a good thing for someone who's Asian.

So, what is the problem.

My Gramma was being a little mean as I overheard her with my mom when I was in the kitchen, and I just was upset.  So what?  I tried not to be.  I was half irritated that my mom had her on speaker phone to begin with, knew it was to annoy me.  She kept literally rattling on acting like I was her daughters being "bad."  I was always good to her until she went psycho when the N word thing happened.  She went even more psycho later on, other things must have happened "in her mind's eye."

Well, I am very sorry and did not mean to communicate to her in the kitchen, really.  I just was frustrated.

These people keep on picking on me acting like I'm bad.  Making fun of me.

Warning

People are being mean to me, some, the ones that are closer to me.  I don't think that will train me to behave well.  I can try, but I won't have gained any strength.  I keep getting messages via noises in the house etc.  I wonder if I need a nap.  I didn't like because my Gramma stressed me out that I had to materialize something I wasn't ready.  I don't remember what else I was about to say.  Oh, yes.  I was worried about my heart.  I was about to dream what I materialized, and I woke up, thinking I had drunk something bad for me but it was the acid in my stomach.  I didn't have a light near me but got up and went for it saying like wheezing over and over something like, "Oh, my God."

Up

wondering when I will feel like calling my Gramma

oatmeal w/sugar stuff

shower

Ramen beef noodlesoup to dunk my Triscuits in
cooking okra

o and seaweed