Being a Goody Good

I find it perverted to say I can't sing for the reasons you'd say it.  Like, I don't respect nor submit to some higher power there be.  Like I don't mess around thinking about what it is not to be a hard-working "musician."  Like just saying I'm not the right person and didn't get all the private training I desired when I was young.  That includes college, not just my poor parents where I can only take ballet etc.  I mean no harm by the word "perverted."  It just fits.  I don't mean it about anyone but about doing/thinking this.  I don't mean it to any one person.

You know..

..I don't know why people even started being mean to me.  It's unimportant.

So..

It seems people are saying I figured out and remembered all this stuff and no one stopped me so I deserve everything.  Like, emotional situations that shouldn't be.

Reveling in Anger

I might not agree with someone but do not wish a fight.

IMDb - The Soapbox (cont.)

Are these girls exquisite?

Bella Thorne + Chloe Grace Moretz

They don't get told they are bad, like me.  People are racist to me.

Bella Thorne

Chloe Grace Moretz

I used to be like them, but people thought I was too predicted in looks.

Problem

I just won't take people letting me know I'm bad.  Why listen to my dad?

Asians

Some of them just want to look Asian to find a reason to hurt mixed Asian/whites..

Elders

All they do sometimes is waggle and drop by and leave a mess on you, a competent adult who never had much of a childhood in a childlike way.  It went by.  It's a desire today.

Cancer

Just because my mom has cancer, does not mean I need to be submissive and get it, too.

"Throwing Away My Life"

You usually counsel youth against doing this, but you are doing this to me, "ehe he.."

What's wrong, tho?

You just don't like this.

I know when something is wrong, true, but I didn't say that.  I didn't say anything.  I just didn't want to do it.  How am I supposed to juggle those thoughts all the time at snap command?  I will only give a simple answer then.

This isn't out of place to say.

I think people are trying to k*** my parents with their health issues.

Hm

This sure is a lot of stress for something unimportant.

What?

You think I'll submit to anyone I like for attention??

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?

Problem

I'm not gonna sit here and be your secretary of insults to me.

Now, my mom is being tacky saying I can't have a relationship with someone..

Problem

They are chasing away anyone who wants to talk to me.  Don't even say I did anything.

I do something funny.

I live with my parents, but I'm on meds unless I leave just because of the N word thing.

Why?

How amazing can anyone even be to wanna meet?

I don't necessarily wanna waste my life on a TV show

but don't wanna on college tho that's what I wanted the time to do yet don't even drive now.

Jackie Evancho

I wonder if she is still pumping up before age 16/adult.

I mean, she had such strong arms.

Problem

They made a weird noise on my recording when I messed up from not having the words.  You know, just a supposed glitch.

Problem

These people are sitting here telling me I did things I didn't and saying someone doesn't approve of me just sitting here innocently online.

Website Update

Complaints

No one sits there and controls how the page loads on my computer just to send a secret message constantly while I spend time online doing serious things.

Something Important

No one wastes their life on me, but I might waste my life.

New Videos of Me Talking

I figured it out.

It's not age.  People will always treat us unfairly compared to girls born in 1997-1998.

TV

Do you depend on the TV?  Or do you like freedom?

New Picture of Me

Imgur

What can I say?

These adults in my life are not perfect.

As for letting them talk to others, I mean I won't sit here and say I force you to listen to me.  I just think it's wrong to put someone in my place, and I ain't afraid.  It would be wrong to do to anyone.

OK, now that I can sit down and get something across, why talk to someone?  What about how many people you talk to?  What about why?  Is it just to annoy someone?  Fine.

Singing

I can hold out and sing a long time, like not droop in the middle of a song.

Website Update

Complaints

Someone/some people keep rubbing in someone over other people like all I know is this 1 person.  They do it using annoying noises.

Why does this even matter?  People used to leave me alone.

No Fuss No Muss

I got up and came out and had breakfast this morning/afternoon.  I just made videos talking about it.

So, my mom said something about this person who's being used to follow me in all the things I do in an annoying way.  I didn't want to listen and just didn't really agree about the annoying actual way.  She did it again later and I wanted to be left alone.

Also, what's up with this me in trouble never answering just doing like?  I am the one who is always nice.  I just don't take this kind of treatment.  It's literally getting in my way.

cont.

racism

Dr. Phil

I submitted another response to get on the show.

Nite Soon

New Recording of Me Singing

A Loony Answer

to parents's problems

Do you really care that it's about yourself and think your kids won't take after your SO (significant other?)

I might seem rude

if I don't wanna be with you.

A Misunderstanding

It is never right to k*** a person, unless you make up some crazy circumstance or crime.

Problem

Why are people telling me I am like my dad to impress me in ways I don't like?

Problem

They made it so I associate an emoticon on IMDb with something disgusting.  They are spamming unwanted messages.

Please don't

make my dad mad in unnecessary ways.

Also, I act good for an old-fashioned generation why don't you like me?

So, guess what I watch on TV?

cartoons and now about animals in Asia

Problem

I'm being flooded with insults and weird things being said.

I almost forgot.

I guess that's Ellen and Dr. Phil.  They just happen to be on TV ever' weekday and I dream how they read my blog or would know about me.

I haven't found "that special someone.."

who is any much older than me.  Why am I in trouble?  I was framed.

The Truth

Some people are interested in fighting with me and "protecting" others from me.

A Good Thing

It seems someone misinterpreted my true intentions.  More good things is still a good thing.  In no way does my life revolve around 1 thing.

I see.

You all hate me for my race and what my parents aren't like but I am.  I can't believe you.  You just wanna sit here and fight.

Problem

What are they even talking to me about?  Just insults.

IMDb - Johnny Depp

Re: Looked much better on Ellen

I thought he made a wonderful impression of himself in reality.

Does anyone approve of celebrities attacking normal people?

If something makes you mad, wouldn't you curse but not to hurt someone?

I guess it's a lie.  Being mean to me is not the only thing there is to do.

Ahh

I'm tired of Twinkies.. I can bake, but that's not what I want.. I want candy!

And

Who are you now?

Question

Who do you think I am?  Who are you making me talk to?

I want this to stop.

These people are mean to me.  It might be because of my dad.  They think they have to listen to him.  He must be still mad in secret.  It comes out, but his time with me is o so important.  Is it really productive, anymore?

Let's find out if it's just my dad?  I think not.  It's not some game whoever hurts me wins.

O

And you all got a beautiful young girl in trouble.

Ellen

I really was disappointed today.  I wanted to see them happy.  Johnny Depp was on.  I'm glad they were able to focus on some things of importance.  The girl was a nice person.  I don't understand why she's considered better than me or everyone else.  That's the 1 thing that was not nice, but there could be more.

The little girl seemed to have it together, that's for sure.  Proud of her.

I already asked my own private therapist.. what if Ellen saw I was upset at her on my blogs?  She just says no.  She put the noises in my room, I thought.  You can't expect anyone today to be sane.  I kept getting beat up called not white and stuff.  I didn't try to hurt her.  I was just cursing for fun.  Not at anyone.  She acts like people are so bad.  I can't do anything about what I feel.  It's a terrible inconvenience and like my life doesn't matter and like you can own it.

Facebook - Dr. Phil

I guess we all have perks our parents don't take. I think I'm just out in life. It's because of my race. They think I don't have a right to really live. I'm a "girl in a bubble," "sheltered." If I want something, it's no. It's no because of my race.

As for this lovely, sweet girl, I think my parents would love her. They seem to react positvely to modest people.

---

It's too bad she doesn't do more than kiss. It just find most boys a bit below my standards. They'd just wanna f with me in the wrong places. I know there are boys out there who don't just "go for the goal." Those other boys need to learn to grow up.

---

I have lowered myself and looked up to others in order to have some kind of a relationship, but it's over for me. Everyone always has a real bad attitude over me. They have put cameras and speakers like around my room and house, and they control my life, like what I can feel and what I can bring myself to do or figure in life.

It's true, tho, I guess teen and youth adult girls are learning to explore themselves and realizing how cute the opposite gender can be. It's all about the youth today.

---

I just have to remember to get enough rest, these days. I feel psyched out so that I have bad focus.  There is a reason, but it's not the answer to the problem.  Who else has someone sniff them out each time they don't like what goes on in your mind?  If I live on my own could be worse cuz no one will be there to act humanly towards me, and I will still have the speakers and cameras planted around my room where people do tests on me. I do not want them to simply pack up and go. I thought we were friends. Now I have none, in a way, just online friends.

---

I'd rather live at home and study at a community college as my lowest option.

---

You have to feel cool, cute, and competent yourself.

---

(his book)

I can't wait to get it and read it when I get my allowance.

---

(about dad's opinion)

That's her prerogative.

---

I'm guessing you didn't get to pick already famous people.  Still, it was a job well done, and that's that.  All the teens in the world, each and every one deserve something special, something to believe in, "a support system."  I cannot reiterate how big the term "a support system" was in the earlier 2000s.  It goes along with topics I can think of now like leadership rather than having someone to nurture you, earlier being about 99% some kind of impossible persperation and 1% only inspiration, inspiration meaning just being excited about something and not working.  Some people can't work on things like that in their head.  They need the building blocks others had.  I just used to stare at that saying and not know how to comprehend it.  Working tires you out.  Excuse me, I was just explaining some key terms since it came into play of the topic.  These girls probably need a support system.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: uhh... am I overreacting to this??

I guess in a good way she must also be an "old soul," wise and "beyond her years.." I am sorry about that. My mom had a detached retina and cannot see out of that eye right now but said she would later. I am worried it's my fault. 1 thing was I got mad and judgedly unknowingly totally inappropriate when my mom got glasses, cuz I thought someone did it to her on purpose to teach me a lesson as a person. It must have been an accident. 

Is there a problem?

The people watching and responding (computer loading, little noises) me in my room constantly tell me I am not worth it and do not deserve anything, just because of things like cursing at the noises they make that bother me before.  I can explain, but no one cares.  I would say that it's like my journal and I want people to see how I feel.  People curse a lot and were considered good people for not being afraid to do it.  I didn't even try to make anyone feel bad.  What about them putting the noises in my room that bothered me?  Some people think it doesn't matter.  Think of the future and present.  I just keep feeling I'm told I'm not that good and don't deserve any of the esteem I had.

I know

Maybe it didn't really matter about the thing I complained about where no one is in line.

Dr. Phil

The 1st girl seemed very sweet.  She would make a good friend.  My friends were more hysterical, but I could see what I could accomplish with someone like her in my life.  The brother was rather hyper.  The father seemed reasonable and presentable, just there and making it good.

I am so proud of Dr. Phil writing about health for the 1st time in 10 years.  I'm on about it all the time.  It's like my obsession.  Not to repreach all the time, but like ecologically and religiously.

K

TV for an hour, a break, then another hour! well subtract commercials since it's recorded

Problem

I do not know if they are manipulating times on my computer that I post things, but I noticed no one else standing in line to worship the birth years of the early 1950s.  Are we missing something?

Problem

I feel thru the grapevine of support someone wants me to end.

Problem

They keep bothering me.

I think someone has an issue with me and I'm being attacked because of them/it.  They think I don't have an outgoing attitude and hate me for my race.

You can't say I'm bad.

You think I just am a machine that keeps doing something, but I didn't do anything.  You think you "have" me.  That if I don't agree I'm bad you'll keep hurting me.  Well, they're just pretending.  I don't see anything happening.  I care about how I act.

New Video of Me Singing

Problem

They might be rubbing in weird things and claim they meant something else important.

Problem

They're doing more memory associations.

Problem

When I search on YouTube, it so fancily pops up the picture after I scroll there rather than how it used to.

What's Popular

It's interesting how looking at what's popular who assumes they are not in the out crowd jumping into something.

Someone's being suggestive.

They want to suggest that only my dad is in my life.  He's rather big and tacky, and I'm greatly wanting to meet other people.  My dad even was threatening and wallowing in that thought.

Problem

and now there's a live meeting with Obama on YouTube.. wonder what they did with that

Problem

I saw a related commercial/ad, as well.  I was looking at a writer sing a song of another writer I both know from church.

Problem

They are picking at me that these drawings are not really my ideas, at all.

Problem

They said my art "was the one that poops at the gym."  How am I supposed to get that outta my head?

Problem

They keep bugging me whenever they feel.

Problem

I saw my parents talking, and they want to confine me to only look forward to meeting my dad whom I already know or should.  They think I am in trouble for 1 little thing I did a few times.  What?  Why didn't they say anything the 1st time.  They consider it a big thing.

Problem

He said it like it was a punishment for some weird thing that is not bad like at all.

Problems

My dad suddenly said to wait til Sunday to simply shave my head so I asked about why this time.  Then, he changed his mind.

New Art by Me

New Art by Me

Venus Fly Trap

New deviantART by Me

link

My Hair Got Shaved

It's uneven, tho.  My dad did it.

Nite Soon

Problem

They're playing around about the story thing like it's Music Education.  They made more copy topics.

Weird

Whenever I do something, I get this weird feeling I'm supposed to check if I'm worthy of it when I've done the trash already.  No offense.

Problem

I feel myself being drained of what I accomplished.

Problem

I don't play like I need to have a twisted relationship where I do penance.  I don't believe in penance.

Playing With Me

Someone on IMDb is writing a story and could PM me at any given time for whatever reason about the story because I wanted to reply to the topic.  I don't need to pay back in such a suggestive manner for some thing I've done all the time, just constantly checking out what I do and telling me I did it wrong so overturn some aspect of life for myself.  I just felt the muscles roll up my leg.  I don't mind being sorry for something I did by accident and being e-mailed while someone writes a story.. but it's done to mess with me.

Pressured

I feel a lotta pressure from key individuals.

Sharing

I already learned that.  What else do I need to understand?  To go along with things now.  So, why are things so quiet now, did I check Twitter yet tonight?  I know it'll be rather event-less?

I am rather amazed. :)

I see morphing before my eyes someone exactly like Sarah Brightman.  I am a big thing.  It is interesting what a big thing she is.  I find her a bit introverted in a feminine way.  She seems really sweet to me or was before.  Haven't really seen her, lately, anyway.  Guess we'll hear about her in space.  You'll love to hear of her in space, as well, I'm glad to hope.

Okay, I am proud people can exactly lead the way and how they are like her!  It's just a bit extreme, yet an achievement..  Congrats to the winners!  Lead on!  Huh huh!  It's fun to see people like her.

:)

What does it mean that I am, rather, amazed?  It just takes me by surprise.  It's like such a big emotional experience, really!..

From where exactly in Florida do you hail?

I did not grow up to listen to people baby dolling me up.  I mean like worshipping Floridians.  I am not worshipped, in some ways.  I am more known as a loser, in some ways.  I mean, there's more to life than what you might be able to find or do in Florida.  Hopefully, most people aren't too melted down.

I don't mean anything.  I was just thinking about something that hurt me that didn't make sense and this suddenly had to come up.  I mean, why would a Floridian think people want them dolled up, for real?  I mean, like being overly modern, too, and like not in a hollistic, nurturing fashion~  Where did this idea come from?  I guess it was influenced from watching Ellen.  She brought 2 boys from LA and their father and found out there was a lot done for the kids, but the adults are a bit on edge.  I am seriously wondering where in Florida do people go and practice like being taunting.  Like, ooh la la, like oh my gaawd, like like, omigosh!  These things are okay.  It is hard to describe what I'm sensing.  Like, they aren't really like that in Florida.  I know.  In some ways, it seems much worse.  It's more like being fruity and juicy and even mysterious.  They are spoiled over people like me.  It's like LA in some mold, but we don't have limits.  I guess LA is more substantial.

So, the point of this post is wondering where in Florida are they cold and stand-off-ish yet think they are cool when I don't know of any legitimate place in Florida of that nature.  True, I was thinking of something else.  It's too bad.  I wonder if anyone will connect the dots.  Like I said, I was just wondering where in Florida they act like that.

Ellen

The mountain climbers were quite respectable.

The guy acting with Johnny Depp was quite handsome and an attractive person.

The singers were cute and had good figures.  Worked hard.

The twin boys and their dad were so cute.

Ellen seemed to be in an okay situation today.  She is so smart.  Modest about that, too.  She truly is a professional.  I wonder what most people see, tho.  I wonder if the people in college she shows could ever home to amount to her like their dream or know someone like her or her herself anyone at all out there.  I heard she eats a lot it seems and says she works out each day.  I tried dieting.  I ate a lotta healthy food before and tried to stay active, worked out at least a little each day one year when I was still in high school.