Monday, January 19, 2015

POV

Does 1 need say the truth or say what's could be seen as wrong?

Being on Top

What's wrong with wanting to be on top?

Sin

I feel as though part of me has sinned, but it could lead to a pattern of inconveniences that lead to worse places, if possible.  I just needed a little hint.  I did tell my mom I said that.  She mailed it.  I had to apologize.  She's keeping more of my money from me, now.  I don't wanna be in limbo in the world/part of my extended family..

Sooner Than Later, Before Rather Than After

If someone "knows" something or wants something in how I live, they need to tell me of it sooner than later, before rather than after.

I wrote to my Gramma saying I thought she tried to kill my mom with cancer by making annoying noises on her plate.  My mom needs peace and quiet.  I told my dad I didn't even want her to come..!  I wanted to explain why I snapped at her or got upset.  I didn't shout.

They think since I brought it up to apologize it "means something."  They are digging in my past looking for things to justify a decision of pleasure against me in their older age.

Part of it was it was in a long letter on an expensive card.  There is not anything wrong.  It is a vague matter of preference to get settled.  It's probably wrong to think against it.  Yet, it can be easily fixed by not mentioning it and seeing if they want it mentioned therefore.  Just say something else vaguely but not it itself, in its place.

Shark With Long Tail

link

Health

Wanna sleep but restless.

Breakfast
-grits and butter
-2 lo cooked bacon
-2 halves of English muffin with butter
-3 scrambled eggs

gym - treadmill lite jogging for 30 min. - my dislocated ankle hurts - did some incline to 7% for a few minutes .. weight training

McDonald's - 2 big sanwiches (guacamole fried chicken + deluxe kind of burger w/baon,) small fries, McFlurry (M&M's)

supper later

Trying to Be Nice

Sometimes, when everyone's sitting around, an explanation is due about a lot of different things.  I feel no one talks to me, and I feel it is wrong.  I feel I am speaking out, but it's just a blog.  Sure, it's a way to communicate, and we should be careful of things like curse words.  We should all try to get along and find interesting things to think.  There's not much if you don't have a hobby and job.  I like travel, but I like learning about different places and don't always go there.  Sometimes, I try talking about some of the places I used to live, something to keep me occupied, as I liked exploring different kinds of cultures I was in.  As to the point of this blog (post,) I feel that if you say something obvious it's not really something new and there are more problems to solve possibly that could come up or maybe not if someone's really happy .. how will we know?  Maybe, cuz things aren't as good as we want.  Maybe, they should be seen as different, for a start.  And to appropriately say how compared in the right way to the right things/people.

Should I even be talking about these things?  I say that they should be taken care of if it involves me, rather than floating like a million particles above my head.  It seems everything I talk about is like this..

The History of My Extended Family

They do not know .. I forget.  Anyway, they ..  Oh yes.  They think you automatically go to your siblings and have a say in their children, when you have nothing to do with them.  You only do that to sincerely help out in any way possible.  Well, that's not exactly how I wanted it put, but I mean other families have the opposite way that I described.  I feel my extended family thinks they know all about me, when I'm just sitting on the internet for the past nearly 10 years and you have access to all I say there.  There isn't "some other world" going on "as we speak."  What do they "know all about" if I am just sitting here on the internet innocently posting away, healing so I can go back to community college via bus and therefore work is out of the question.

Facebook - Barbara Barrett

If that's true, then what would be the problem? ,:| People create fights to justify relationships and have fun, like no one's looking and no one matters, as long as it's legal and not illegal to them.
---
It is done to children who do not scream nor make a scene, too, and that is more important, tho becomes less important.
---
I drink coffee like a treat and not as the main entree of breakfast. Pills have side-effects that seem to make you tired when you wake up or in a way when you try to go to sleep.

Or

Being in trouble for things from the past all of a sudden, but nothing really bad, like maybe you got upset at someone who was being mean to you but didn't hurt them.

Normal Life

What do you think of going along and having a normal life, and all of a sudden you're in trouble when you've done nothing big?  Everyone tells you you have an attitude and messes with your thoughts.

Facebook - Dr. Phil

They need to be more established in their manners that rub off to how teens perceive their life is there.  My parents just test me, wait to make me mad so I throw something or stomp my foot .. and then call the police.  They do it on purpose to set me up.  I'm on medication now that I don't need for a disorder and depression, which I both don't have.  I 1st went taken by my family because I seemed to display questionable behavior, giving up losing my 4.0 and mainly staying in my room after choir at church for Christmas.  I was there for the New Year.  My dad brought pizza, and they left me there to take the psychotic medicine.

Facebook - Dr. Phil

Most people are mean, even nice people, for "reasons out of their control" like being stuck on a protocol. One common example is racism. Nice people practice it. Then, all the other things fall into their places, as well.

Problem

I woke up to being made fun of.  They said they'd plant noises in my possible future daughter's ears to stimulate her in inappropriate ways.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Underdog

People think I made someone an underdog who supposedly "took my place" in the honor I earned, just slipped right in, but my point is that they think I made her the underdog when she seems to think it's right to follow orders and make me one.  That's fine, but I'm just saying.  It seems a bit out of place, tho, disorderly and unfriendly.. I would not listen to whoever told you to be mean to me.

Getting Tired

bed soon

Happy MLK Day!!

Weird

These people think they have the right to come in and be mean to me.

Jogged

with weights, 2 pounds, like an hour

Apology

I got a little upset while jogging.  Some people around me popped the thoughts outta my subconscious sorta or created them rather.

To Address the Problem Quickly

My dad thinks he has some emotional roof over me and tries to punish me for fun for thoughts and when I feel upset and provoked, even if I don't do anything.  I think he stared down someone in my extended family who just died.  I am worried for him.  Maybe, he needs the psychiatric pills.

Criminal Tendencies

My dad had the TV on so loud, and my mom needs peace and quiet for her cancer.  It was ridiculous.  Not touching legal boundaries, but I know why he did it.  He acted like I did something and punished my mom for it.  How sick is that?
out 4 a jog

twinkie twinkie little star

Amy Adams

She doesn't have any Italian, tho.

Amy Adams

I just found out Amy Adams is from Italy.  She has natural red hair?  Anyway, sounds like another good match for Bella Thorne.

Facebook



I identified with this show.. situation-wise in art. I think this is one of the best movies I've seen.

Upset

The time I spend with my dad can be very miserable.

Problem

These people are being nasty and bugging me in my room.

Apology

I am so sorry I made a face, but it was at something that made sense.  After, I quickly dodged things, but I did get bothered by all the tomatos.

nu FB

FB

nu # (cell)

1-407-579-3609

Apology

I did not mean to hurt anyone.  I was upset at a situation.  I fixed it.  I started just going by as I let the lies fly.  I mean, people keep saying I'm not this, I can't do that.  My parents.

I was upset my dad hurt my mom when I thought of a joke with the word shit, did not mean for them to hear it.  A joke on him.  It wasn't really offensive.  It was difficult.

I'm not mad at anyone.

If anyone has a certain desire as to their relationship with me is up to them.  I was just upset and didn't know what to think.  My dad came in and acted like he spoke for someone else.  At least, it was over with a quick sneer as he left-  I just was upset at why people were upset at me, the thing with my mom where I thought of like a cartoon bopping her with something that bounced off her head.

cont.

kids sunblock

More

My dad got me the wrong sunblock "100" SPF, that I have to have "rubbed on" ever' like 90 minutes.

Problem

My dad thinks I should look at him with a babyish desire in my eyes..

Problem

My dad just keeps going at it.

Problem

He is rearranging special people in my life, too.

Problems at Home

My dad made my head and brain feel like it opened up like a toilet and a space for pooh went in it.

He had said someone said they wouldn't do something for me, and I did not accept it.  He started moving my chair putting stuff on the table, I think.  I'm sick of my parents.  They seemed nice, but they are being mean now.

Facebook

Dr. Phil Page

I feel so tired all the time. If I go anywhere, I have to take the bus or sacrifice for a ride. How can I do anything? I am a performing artist, and I don't have money, for some reason. I depended on my school and what it had to offer. I made my own decisions then, but then I was kicked out for being shy or secretly cuz I didn't memorize my piano piece. We had too much work. We had to go to the library in supposed spare time for exercises that semester. So, I have 1 year of successful college, 8 semesters of failure/medical withdrawal.
I guess it's easy to slip when someone's taunting you in your thoughts.  But that never mattered really to anyone.  Just when it's me.

Problem

They made more noises that felt like m***********.

Walking

out for a walk

I bet

my mom did it, but that fact cancels out that it's okay to think that but to try not to.  It might be a healthy outlet sometimes.

Facebook

I think parents must not like their SO if they criticize their kids for who they are, yet they shelter them to themselves, which is not a good feeling.


Some parents don't mate to have kids.  I feel as though people are suggesting to me I should not exist for various reasons: being biracial, my dad leaving his home with a note he's getting married.  I have a cousin who was very wild, and now they think it's my fault she got in trouble as a kid for no concrete reason that exists .. and now I'm the one who's bad all the time no matter what I do cuz I don't do anything.  People attacking me make me mad, like the kids on your sho'.  I have this inner feeling of fighting back when I forget to ignore it, the way people waltz around the room.  I do live at home, but I feel I'm too old to be taught to listen.  I don't do anything, they just want a certain mindset with me.  I see I've cracked cuza lazy disciplining, people who should not be getting into my life like that about things they don't understand.  It's very boring to just tell someone they are only like their family.

Good advice, Dr. Phil.  We need to make sure important goals are met.  I should elaborate what I'm posting, and so should other.  We need kids to be comfortable with their life.  One thing as a goal that made me uncomfortable was I didn't wanna do "just" ballet.  So, in the end, it was not a recreational priority to excel in.  I still cared about school too much, tho.  My college kicked me outta my major they said for being shy, so my goals were not met.  My parents didn't advise me with anything.  I wanted to go to a hi ranking college, but I already chose my scholarship at that one.  So, my future was jeopardized.  You know, it was singing they kicked me outta and Music Education.  I didn't tell them I wanted to do research maybe.  My goal is to be healthy and become famous for arts or acting with movies.  However, I'm on pills like for schizophrenia I don't need which made me need more pills.  They could jeopardize my health, in the long run.  My mom wants me on them.  Otherwise, I would move out, but they said I wasn't ready, too, when I applied for a job in Miami.  They said I could stay here and learn to care for myself.

Problem

They kept making noises in my room this morning that gave me a fake dizzy feeling that didn't feel good.

I found my mom in the kitchen acting like she was all on the ball.

I think someone intervened to do this to get me to think of something violent.  They will taunt me that the last person I started liking who's not Ellen is not something I can do.  I just thought of throwing a force at my mom's head, was so annoyed and frustrated thought of my cup.  I didn't mean to really think to hurt her like with a cup but to throw a force.  You can't just take away things right and left.  You set this up.  My mom was a wreck, would not stop waltzing around like she's taunting me.  They let my mom feel superior to me cuz my dad is not attractive in the same way.  I am not my parents.  I am another person who strives to stay attractive in her own way.  They think this will teach me an ultimate lesson, but I find it a frivolous cause.  I stopped hitting my sofa, so they will bother me about this because they think that's why it worked.  I've been saying they bother me.  I have to be walking outside to get away.

Did you know if you attack someone they can try to ignore you or simply just attack back in a way that seems fair and triumphant?  What could possibly happen, you wonder?  I simply don't like what they did.  I guess it didn't make it thru my thick skull that it was to make a statement about my mom, but I see it was wrong overall.

You could say it was an accident, it didn't bring me pleasure.  I was feeling depressed and slept more yesterday and went to bed late yet didn't wake up late.

So, no, I do not mean it.  I was being attacked, tho, so I'm not the one who should be sorry.

If a thought slips my mind, what right do you have to get me for it, when you were doing something mean to me?

What, does this prove I was weak and dizzy?  How frustrating and humiliating!

See, someone did this to make fun of me and to taunt me that I ruin my relationship with someone.  My only help is that it was an accident more.  I am not a carcass for you vultures to pick at.
Nite

My So-Happened 1st Real TV Show

Ghost Adventures!

Twitter

New Videos of Me Singing



IMDb - The Soapbox

Peter Pan is on Disney Junior [was] [is] [was] [is]

It has cool graphics, like a modern kids's book. It seems like a Dora the Explorer thing. Whoops, it's over.

I liked the pirates, but I don't like the other characters. I wonder if those things are attractive to kids or just an in the moment wonder.

[Hook and Smee]


It's still on.

Muchos Problemos

People keep being mean to me in private.  They think something's gotta give.  They just keep finding things wrong with me that are just a matter of consequence because of others.  I can see how it would come to pass, but it isn't all that way.  They did deliberately get me to feel something I didn't want, but it wasn't really that bad and it's just something that's a part of me that I do, in a lotta ways.

Problem

These people experimenting on me have nothing to say yet keep disrespecting me.

Not Being Able to Answer Right Away

Do you ever not know the answer and feel pushed to spurt something out in like how you look or what your next physical move is?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Indonesians (I'm Indonesian.)

Most Indonesians are Muslim. Merely because they share a religion with most Middle Easterners, it does not make them like Arabs or Persians. Genetically the Indonesians are closer to Polynesians than Arabs and Persians.



I GameBoy so You gotta make way for The Homo Superior!

Re: Indonesians (I'm Indonesian.)

Well, I'm all Christian.

💁 Now, here are your things. G'nite!

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Chinese Acrobats

I liked that Chinese Acrobat in Ocean's Eleven.

I'm an Extraterrestrial-American.
a.k.a. killersalmon a.k.a. NovaFlames

Re: Chinese Acrobats

I don't know if I caught that one, but I have Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Terry Giliam. They are real people. 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Indonesians (I'm Indonesian.)

Everyone knows the Indonesians to be like Middle Easterners even more than Asians. Indonesia is a major country. The existence of Polynesia does not cancel this out, in fact. 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Chinese Acrobats

They seem to be the ones who strive most to be European, the acrobats if you compare Chinese people to one another. They need exercise like us. 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Would you rather be real Indonesian or Chinese Indonesian?

The Chinese are more like the Dutch who conquered Indonesia soon after the Chinese arrived. 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Key

to health is to keep up your metabolism, which is done thru veggies and desserts, desserts keeping up your appetite

I'm gonna have pasta

or mac and cheese.

again.

How can Christine Daae

like Raoul while the Phantom loves her?  He's the main character.  Has this turned into Les Miz?

Ask yourself 2 questions.

1. Are you trying to be right to someone or wrong?  Like, if you're trying to be nice, you'd be nice.  If it doesn't make sense, you're wrong.  You don't want it to make sense has become clear.

Did you notice

you can find fault in anyone one my side in any way?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Indonesians (I'm Indonesian.)

Don't they have a temper that drives forward, or am I mixing it up with an infiltrated culture like mine?  

Just Watched Ellen

Who was on?  Well, it was a good one.. oh that guy from Dayton.  I could really connect being an Ohio-zen myself.

The lady at the very end was so friendly!

Too Personal

I think my dad is getting to personal to alter my inner on the left side in a bad way I don't like.

"All I Ask of You"

That wasn't too bad, was it?

I submitted the in-laws one before, too.

Dr. Phil Show

Are you involved in a stressful situation with friends or family? Have your relationships with loved ones turned into rivalries or all-out wars? We want to hear from you!


Yes, my friends don't even talk to me, anymore, and my family thinks I am dangerous and need to be on medication.  What happened was my friends visited me and were a little insulting.  I e-mailed them later, and they stopped talking to me, as usual.  I kept e-mailing.  I felt insane trapped in my house with nothing to do.  I did not think of getting a blog, but if I did I would hvae solved my problem this way.  I kept e-mailing to finish what I was saying and to say sorry I kept e-mailing.  This went on for maybe a few months, and I contacted again later in some length.  With my family, I've just gotten upset at their new way of looking at me like I'm bad it seems.  Here's a summary of the problems in my life I've been thru: http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/official#!life-problems/cia0

---

My relationship with people in my life has turned into war.  It happens with strangers, too.  I can tell they are acting like I don't matter cuz they can tell I'm only 1/2 white and 1/2 non-European/Caucasian.  I'm 1/2 Dutch Chinese-Indonesian (Chinese.)  I have to walk around the house submissively like (spoiler story:)  Little Princess but with no known chance of escape.  It might be I'm getting old and need to move out, but my college kicked me out of my major they said for like being shy (the singing.)  My parents just seem to want to treat me like everyone else so I don't get surprised in public for being mixed race or part Chinese.

Out

Just had 2 homemade hamburgers and grapes and out for a jog.

Wow

So, Dr. Phil moved young and several times it seems among key states I recognized.

He was a sporty guy, as he did football.  I was wondering about that.  Are you sporty?

Facebook




Your book is brilliant, Dr. Phil! I can't wait to get it and read it in February when I get my money! most likely. You are so caring about eating and all. It gives me the tingles to think about you writing a book on eating habits!!

I do like what I picked up from you that it's not about eating badly and not changing anything else but eating right along with a rest of a healthy lifestyle, which could include the schedule of a so-called Olympee.

It felt like

my legs turned into stone.

I just tried

a few plies and it was too hard.

Not Sure I Could Do This

Academics

I will probably do Freshman Composition II.  If I take 2, I will add College Algebra.  I should be in 2, but I don't want to add too much/anymore so I can focus and do well in dance.

Opportunity

for grade forgiveness at my old college

I'm gonna have to ask

my psychiatrist for a note and what I have to do to get one to take dance class and return to a community college, wherein I need a note to step back on campus.  ..or get a new psychiatrist from a list he made my dad told me to ask for when he said I had to see someone else if I want to get off the meds.

Facebook




I was tricked into a college experience wherein at the college I chose a scholarship at I was kicked outta my major supposedly for being shy. I'm 28 now with no college degree, unable to do busywork at a regular job, and unqualified even in the skills I am able to now possess. I'm on psych pills and may go to college.. can't really find a good place maybe to do ballet again. I live in Disney and decided to use a yearly pass there. Lived here technically since 2005, permanently in mid-2006. Got my 1st pass the year before this. Good advice, Dr. Phil.

Twitter

4 More Hours of Sleep

My head felt very depressed, waiting for burgers.

My therapist wants me on different pills, will have to talk to my psychiatrist.

I ate.

I had a whole pack of pasta and toast with butter.

I wanted to write a story, but I'm too tired even for that.

Oh, 2 cherry pop tarts.

I've regained weight.

Into the Woods

I really liked Meryl Streep.  Anna Kendricks is awesome and so talented.  Johnny Depp was honorable, as well.

Facebook



That's true- I wanted to join the military or band. My best experience in music was University Band. It seems the music these days is dying away and paving the way for the popularity of other pleasures in life.

Issues

I do not think that "going viral" means other people have to suffer because they kept quiet, like heavily or deep-seatedly assimilating to people they dislike.

My mom keeps at me with her little noises, and someone is edging on something, rubbing in someone, pleaing it is out of fear.  The noises my mom makes sounds like words.  I heard a car tihs morning say my baby picture was not Caucasian.  It is true they were picking at my race on Christmas but blame me for thinking back.  Because of other people, instead of feelings curse words hit my mind.  They get mad at me for that now.  I am willing to give out names, but I haven't, yet, and don't know if I should again.  This case will take a lot for me to settle.  Even if I moved, I could still see people online and via the noises in my room.

Also, someone is attacking me to try to reduce me to nothing forcibly.  I was tossing and turning an idea at length of it yesterday.  They probably think reporting this means admitting I am not that strong of a person.

Possessive

So, I was right, my dad cannot be possessive of me over 17.  How pathetic is it that anyone would do that to me, whoever does it in a bad way.  That's pathetic cuz most parents are chasing their kids and and setting their kids up.  Not pursuing them like they're some sinner before the Lord our God.  But rather even getting them alone to do what they want.

It makes me sad

to see my dad shut up.

Vicious Dad

In the car today, he drove and radar-ed me and made me left side in a certain part feel too slippery and slick.

Nite

nite soon

cont.

People are always interested in biological comparisons.

Dr. Phil



The answer is no because children who are not biological are not treated the same even out of the home.  The only turn around is would living in the same home change that?   No, not for the reasons they'd state.  They have a reason to treat non-family members differently.  It's like inviting a rat into someone's home.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Perhaps I go too far.

I was saying Dr. Phil to my dad does all the things I don't like insofar as I like personality types in Psychology as opposed to feeding criminals attention blah blah blah.  I said I liked Phil, tho.  I just thought that was hysterical.  I'm osessed with him.  It's fun to see the people come on before national television.  Their problems are not like mine.  I'm pretty stable, in most ways.  I mean, I don't have a child to abuse.  I was something of a bully personality before.  I'm definitely the victim of a lotta hate, including racially, which is not altogether something to be proud of.  Sorry, if I said something I ought not to have.  I'm something of a truth joker.

Problem

They are at it again with the secret messages.  I got called a nigger.  Nothing happened.  They are set on auto pilot.

A Good Weekend

I hope everyone has one.  When is the Oscars?  I don't wanna watch.  I do, but I don't know that I'm gonna.  The reason was because of how it's not so much about actors and I don't know much about producing.  I might look at the nominees online.

Problem

My mom keeps acting uppity.  All these people experimenting on me are being mean.  They are rubbing in someone else is better than me.  I'm just sitting here.  It's like they won't stop.  It just comes up, sometimes.  They know what I'm thinking and won't accept.  I just sorta do nothing for awhile and later have to tell myself no don't listen to these people.  That's trouble for them.  Like, I'm just being nice.  They come up and tell me off for not being thin yet.  Well, it's their fault.  I have stress fat.

Shelter Me, O God..

Why am I sheltered?  If it means I am Chinese, then no.

New Video of Me Talking

New Photo of Me

Imgur

Nite Soon

watched Ellen and Fallon

New Recordings of Me Singing