Saturday, January 17, 2015
I'm gonna have to ask
my psychiatrist for a note and what I have to do to get one to take dance class and return to a community college, wherein I need a note to step back on campus. ..or get a new psychiatrist from a list he made my dad told me to ask for when he said I had to see someone else if I want to get off the meds.
I was tricked into a college experience wherein at the college I chose a scholarship at I was kicked outta my major supposedly for being shy. I'm 28 now with no college degree, unable to do busywork at a regular job, and unqualified even in the skills I am able to now possess. I'm on psych pills and may go to college.. can't really find a good place maybe to do ballet again. I live in Disney and decided to use a yearly pass there. Lived here technically since 2005, permanently in mid-2006. Got my 1st pass the year before this. Good advice, Dr. Phil.
4 More Hours of Sleep
My head felt very depressed, waiting for burgers.
My therapist wants me on different pills, will have to talk to my psychiatrist.
My therapist wants me on different pills, will have to talk to my psychiatrist.
Into the Woods
I really liked Meryl Streep. Anna Kendricks is awesome and so talented. Johnny Depp was honorable, as well.
Issues
I do not think that "going viral" means other people have to suffer because they kept quiet, like heavily or deep-seatedly assimilating to people they dislike.
My mom keeps at me with her little noises, and someone is edging on something, rubbing in someone, pleaing it is out of fear. The noises my mom makes sounds like words. I heard a car tihs morning say my baby picture was not Caucasian. It is true they were picking at my race on Christmas but blame me for thinking back. Because of other people, instead of feelings curse words hit my mind. They get mad at me for that now. I am willing to give out names, but I haven't, yet, and don't know if I should again. This case will take a lot for me to settle. Even if I moved, I could still see people online and via the noises in my room.
Also, someone is attacking me to try to reduce me to nothing forcibly. I was tossing and turning an idea at length of it yesterday. They probably think reporting this means admitting I am not that strong of a person.
My mom keeps at me with her little noises, and someone is edging on something, rubbing in someone, pleaing it is out of fear. The noises my mom makes sounds like words. I heard a car tihs morning say my baby picture was not Caucasian. It is true they were picking at my race on Christmas but blame me for thinking back. Because of other people, instead of feelings curse words hit my mind. They get mad at me for that now. I am willing to give out names, but I haven't, yet, and don't know if I should again. This case will take a lot for me to settle. Even if I moved, I could still see people online and via the noises in my room.
Also, someone is attacking me to try to reduce me to nothing forcibly. I was tossing and turning an idea at length of it yesterday. They probably think reporting this means admitting I am not that strong of a person.
Possessive
So, I was right, my dad cannot be possessive of me over 17. How pathetic is it that anyone would do that to me, whoever does it in a bad way. That's pathetic cuz most parents are chasing their kids and and setting their kids up. Not pursuing them like they're some sinner before the Lord our God. But rather even getting them alone to do what they want.
Vicious Dad
In the car today, he drove and radar-ed me and made me left side in a certain part feel too slippery and slick.
Dr. Phil
The answer is no because children who are not biological are not treated the same even out of the home. The only turn around is would living in the same home change that? No, not for the reasons they'd state. They have a reason to treat non-family members differently. It's like inviting a rat into someone's home.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Perhaps I go too far.
I was saying Dr. Phil to my dad does all the things I don't like insofar as I like personality types in Psychology as opposed to feeding criminals attention blah blah blah. I said I liked Phil, tho. I just thought that was hysterical. I'm osessed with him. It's fun to see the people come on before national television. Their problems are not like mine. I'm pretty stable, in most ways. I mean, I don't have a child to abuse. I was something of a bully personality before. I'm definitely the victim of a lotta hate, including racially, which is not altogether something to be proud of. Sorry, if I said something I ought not to have. I'm something of a truth joker.
A Good Weekend
I hope everyone has one. When is the Oscars? I don't wanna watch. I do, but I don't know that I'm gonna. The reason was because of how it's not so much about actors and I don't know much about producing. I might look at the nominees online.
Problem
My mom keeps acting uppity. All these people experimenting on me are being mean. They are rubbing in someone else is better than me. I'm just sitting here. It's like they won't stop. It just comes up, sometimes. They know what I'm thinking and won't accept. I just sorta do nothing for awhile and later have to tell myself no don't listen to these people. That's trouble for them. Like, I'm just being nice. They come up and tell me off for not being thin yet. Well, it's their fault. I have stress fat.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Playing Games With My Mind
In Phantom of the Opera by ALW, I would be like a Phantom personality Christine, and Bella Thorne would be more like the typical female in a way, like Raoul should be.
but you don't
call other people the N word cuz you want them to be your friend. I know what you really mean and meant.
The Source of the Present Problem
Okay, they said, "You're a n*****" pretty plainly. Get this on Dr. Phil. This is hysterical.
I don't need people to bug me about when I used to curse on my blog about the noises and ways things load on my computer put with me to annoy me.
I don't need to be inconvenienced cuz you know I wanted to go to the bathroom. Can't you hold anything in?
I don't need people to bug me about when I used to curse on my blog about the noises and ways things load on my computer put with me to annoy me.
I don't need to be inconvenienced cuz you know I wanted to go to the bathroom. Can't you hold anything in?
I was mainly concerned..
..about things being so awkward and bad for those involved. I had reflected on it awhile.
Maybe, I have more to worry about? Not really.
Also, I'm worried what my parents will think of this. I just don't need that kind of stress.
Maybe, I have more to worry about? Not really.
Also, I'm worried what my parents will think of this. I just don't need that kind of stress.
Being Negative
How can just 1 person in a group always be so intimidating? Maybe, it's time to move on and accept new friends, but they just don't come along.
I got told..
..supposedly I can't juggle having a relationship with more than 1 person.
That instead of me being considered okay, someone else gets to feel they're okay, instead. That's not true. It can't happen "instead." I never said not to talk to anyone else and in fact encourage you to figure out how elating that experience has been in my past. Everyone is happy and gets what they deserve or can feel inner self worth.
I know it seems weird I brought it up, but I'm not the mum type and I wasn't fighting. You just want to think I was fighting. I can see my parents wanting to think that, for instance. They would say I was and that I was in trouble in a "secret message."
That instead of me being considered okay, someone else gets to feel they're okay, instead. That's not true. It can't happen "instead." I never said not to talk to anyone else and in fact encourage you to figure out how elating that experience has been in my past. Everyone is happy and gets what they deserve or can feel inner self worth.
I know it seems weird I brought it up, but I'm not the mum type and I wasn't fighting. You just want to think I was fighting. I can see my parents wanting to think that, for instance. They would say I was and that I was in trouble in a "secret message."
Things That Make Me Smile That I Want
I'll try and be as realistic as possible.
1. I want to be attractive, which would happen if I got taller and slenderer again in my life. I know ways to get there. My reason is it makes me more holistic and have this ecological glow and magical presence.
2. I wanna find out who I wanna pick me up physically just to show love. I dunno if I'd want that in someone my own age, even a boy, and they'd probably oughta be older for the challenge at understanding me.
I dunno, I can't list everything. Some things I don't know. Some things aren't really as important.
1. I want to be attractive, which would happen if I got taller and slenderer again in my life. I know ways to get there. My reason is it makes me more holistic and have this ecological glow and magical presence.
2. I wanna find out who I wanna pick me up physically just to show love. I dunno if I'd want that in someone my own age, even a boy, and they'd probably oughta be older for the challenge at understanding me.
I dunno, I can't list everything. Some things I don't know. Some things aren't really as important.
Questions Asked by Dr. Phil
Questions Asked by Dr. Phil
1. Do you avoid potential problems by trying to keep the peace? Do you do whatever you can to avoid conflict?
No, but my parents do that on the outside.
2. Are you in denial about your loved one being addicted? Do you think his or her drug or alcohol use is just a phase and isn't anything to be concerned about?
No, I am just addicted to m***********. I'm on psychiatric pills I don't need.
3. Do you minimize the situation? Do you think the problem will get better later?
Yes, I minimize the situation. I only hope I can make the problem get better later.
4. Do you lecture, blame or criticize the chemically dependent person?
Yes, but they don't make fun of me.
5. Do you take over the responsibilities of the addicted person? Do you cover for and pick up his or her slack to minimize the negative consequences? Do you repeatedly come to the rescue — bailing him or her out of jail, out of financial problems or other tight spots?
My parents care for me cuz I'm on pills I have to take as long as I'm in their house and advised to by my present psychiatrist, who said to leave him if I stop. Yes, my parents do the dishes whereas they did not wanna. My mom does my towels it ends up often these days, too. They constantly pay for me but like I don't deserve it from them.
6. Do you try to protect your addicted loved one from pain?
My parents don't seem to know how.
7. Do you treat him or her like a child? Do you enjoy taking care of your loved one and feel superior when you do? Do you still financially support him or her, even though he or she is an adult?
Yes, that happens to me.
8. Do you try to control the dependent person?
No, they just act uncomfortably around me, like specifically waltz around the house mockingly.
9. Are you good at just enduring? Do you often think, this too shall pass?
Yes.
10. Do you give him/her one more chance ... and then another ... and just one more?
I never did anything wrong. If I did, it was an accident. I don't repeat things. So, I don't have a problem other than my heritage, which has come from my parents.
11. Do you join him/her in the dangerous behavior, even when you know he or she has a problem?
My parents do seem to do that, but I try to avoid it. They would go crazy if I said they were mean and sending me secret messages.
1. Do you avoid potential problems by trying to keep the peace? Do you do whatever you can to avoid conflict?
No, but my parents do that on the outside.
2. Are you in denial about your loved one being addicted? Do you think his or her drug or alcohol use is just a phase and isn't anything to be concerned about?
No, I am just addicted to m***********. I'm on psychiatric pills I don't need.
3. Do you minimize the situation? Do you think the problem will get better later?
Yes, I minimize the situation. I only hope I can make the problem get better later.
4. Do you lecture, blame or criticize the chemically dependent person?
Yes, but they don't make fun of me.
5. Do you take over the responsibilities of the addicted person? Do you cover for and pick up his or her slack to minimize the negative consequences? Do you repeatedly come to the rescue — bailing him or her out of jail, out of financial problems or other tight spots?
My parents care for me cuz I'm on pills I have to take as long as I'm in their house and advised to by my present psychiatrist, who said to leave him if I stop. Yes, my parents do the dishes whereas they did not wanna. My mom does my towels it ends up often these days, too. They constantly pay for me but like I don't deserve it from them.
6. Do you try to protect your addicted loved one from pain?
My parents don't seem to know how.
7. Do you treat him or her like a child? Do you enjoy taking care of your loved one and feel superior when you do? Do you still financially support him or her, even though he or she is an adult?
Yes, that happens to me.
8. Do you try to control the dependent person?
No, they just act uncomfortably around me, like specifically waltz around the house mockingly.
9. Are you good at just enduring? Do you often think, this too shall pass?
Yes.
10. Do you give him/her one more chance ... and then another ... and just one more?
I never did anything wrong. If I did, it was an accident. I don't repeat things. So, I don't have a problem other than my heritage, which has come from my parents.
11. Do you join him/her in the dangerous behavior, even when you know he or she has a problem?
My parents do seem to do that, but I try to avoid it. They would go crazy if I said they were mean and sending me secret messages.
Phil
He's very smart and deserves his TV show more than I would deserve 1 for the reason I said that he's smart and others I bet.
The guy visiting, like the business owner, made me feel bad because it seems it went around the network that I snapped at a professor here, just sorta stomped as I walked cuz I knew I wouldn't get in trouble because I thought they made an attractive teacher not like me, lotta folks. Like forced her not to. Now, they all have this thing against me like it's funny and important.
The visitors seemed really nice. They had to be at least part Italian and not sure what else nor how much. They were just so nice and genuine and unusually open. I liked them. I'd like to be friends and then call it a day. I could live with them.
I don't know why Dr. Phil had the need to snap at someone, the boy. He seemed apologetic after making his point.
The guy visiting, like the business owner, made me feel bad because it seems it went around the network that I snapped at a professor here, just sorta stomped as I walked cuz I knew I wouldn't get in trouble because I thought they made an attractive teacher not like me, lotta folks. Like forced her not to. Now, they all have this thing against me like it's funny and important.
The visitors seemed really nice. They had to be at least part Italian and not sure what else nor how much. They were just so nice and genuine and unusually open. I liked them. I'd like to be friends and then call it a day. I could live with them.
I don't know why Dr. Phil had the need to snap at someone, the boy. He seemed apologetic after making his point.
I dunno why I even posted about it.
Maybe, I thought other people were involved. I didn't know they wouldn't like it. Every time something little or on the side seems to happen, someone loses it with me. We can't all be robots. Something is bound to happen. I knew I should post it just because it was causing me trouble and misunderstanding. It's fine, but I don't know exactly what it is that happened. I just know that my thoughts get triggered and slapped.
Issue
It seems someone is upset at me for thinking of a joke. When I found it affected them, I stopped. The people experimenting on me are partly bad. I'm not saying anyone has to like me, tho, nor give me attention. I think people my age should. So, my point can't really be that I can be upset about it. What does anyone think about it, or what should I think? No one like me to begin with yet wouldn't let me have a nice life by myself? I said no one had to pay attention to me, tho. I do have some grudges about people, girls, my age not talking to me, tho..
Smoothie King
It's the only thing that satisfies, but they didn't have Pina Colada. There's no Smoothie King here. I thought it was a booming franchise. I also like Sandella's, which they had at my college, Loyola UNO.
I guess
if someone does not accept you can cause inner, unseen violent thoughts, not as in physically violent. Some people are just outta control. This issue needs to be addressed, but I didn't wanna say it. They admitted they had a problem. It was hate they would not subdue. People keep strangely saying I'm not perfect and that it means I'm not as good as I was. Isn't this because Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp got popular? I did change my life in a good way, but there are too many bad ways.
My Life
I think my parents "played" with me as a baby and that's why people like me have that slick, "I don't care," nonchalant look. I would look somewhat substantial and it would attract my dad to "play" with me. They figure they can't protect me in the real world any other way. If it's cuza race, I find that pathetic.
Will I just get by in life
taking walks? I asked my mom about living on my own, no money, thee dead end.
Lo
I'm tired from all the meds. The psych meds made me get diabetes and also have high cholesterol from being 1/2 Chinese and I don't like being 1/2 Chinese. Yes, there might be some things like the fact I don't have it as hard as a 1/2 black person, but I have Native American indian, too! which also is a good thing for someone who's Asian.
So, what is the problem.
My Gramma was being a little mean as I overheard her with my mom when I was in the kitchen, and I just was upset. So what? I tried not to be. I was half irritated that my mom had her on speaker phone to begin with, knew it was to annoy me. She kept literally rattling on acting like I was her daughters being "bad." I was always good to her until she went psycho when the N word thing happened. She went even more psycho later on, other things must have happened "in her mind's eye."
Well, I am very sorry and did not mean to communicate to her in the kitchen, really. I just was frustrated.
These people keep on picking on me acting like I'm bad. Making fun of me.
Well, I am very sorry and did not mean to communicate to her in the kitchen, really. I just was frustrated.
These people keep on picking on me acting like I'm bad. Making fun of me.
Warning
People are being mean to me, some, the ones that are closer to me. I don't think that will train me to behave well. I can try, but I won't have gained any strength. I keep getting messages via noises in the house etc. I wonder if I need a nap. I didn't like because my Gramma stressed me out that I had to materialize something I wasn't ready. I don't remember what else I was about to say. Oh, yes. I was worried about my heart. I was about to dream what I materialized, and I woke up, thinking I had drunk something bad for me but it was the acid in my stomach. I didn't have a light near me but got up and went for it saying like wheezing over and over something like, "Oh, my God."
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Phil & Ellen
Phil was at it with the weight lady and daughter.
Ellen I didn't get to see all of since it didn't record, but online she had fun talking to 2 English people. It was cute. 50 Shades of Gray is a surprise it's coming out so soon as a movie.
Ellen I didn't get to see all of since it didn't record, but online she had fun talking to 2 English people. It was cute. 50 Shades of Gray is a surprise it's coming out so soon as a movie.
I don't have the house.
I felt self conscious when I had nothing to be self conscious about, but I'm thinking it'd be silly to dwell on this. F.Y.I. it used to be my dad's. It seems fine. It just woulda been more dandy otherwise. I dunno, tho.. I couldn't figure it out. I been trying to get enough sleep, lately. I don't think I shoulda been moving stuff around to begin with. It really was a tough job and I would stop at nothing. I had to vacuum, too, maybe.
OK
It is true I felt I'd barely make it, but I coulda done it if I believed in it .. but what if I couldn't? I had a lot to do and figure, and it didn't seem to make a difference, just a bonus idea, which I would do if I could tho I really hate it. I have weird stuff jammed all over.
Cleaned My Room
As usual now, I didn't take the clothes outta my drawers before moving them. Yay or Nay?
Website Update
I keep getting secret messages to provoke me. (People put microphones in my room and manipulate my computer, like how things load.)
I am on medications I don't need (psychiatric) and it makes me tired.
I am on medications I don't need (psychiatric) and it makes me tired.
Worried My Psychiatrist Will Kill Me
Some medicines I found on TV not to do with psychiatry increase the risk of cancer.
Someone I Knew to Be Nice
has turned on me and keeps acting sarcastic, snide, and stuck up.
They pretend it's just pretend.
They pretend it's just pretend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)